Dispatches from the Republican Convention, Pt. 1

The opening of the Republican convention this week signals political silly season 2012 is approaching its end.  I’ll be sad to see it go.  Since you’re probably gearing up for futbol and football season I figured I’d gather a week dispatches from the Republican convention for you the reader (and yes I mean the single, solitary reader of this blog.)  So we sent our crack team of political reporters to watch CNN and read news reports (did you think I was going to Tampa?  Um, no there’s Republicans down there) so we could bring you an uncommon perspective on this exciting event.

August 27th — Day 1
With Tropical Storm Isaac bearing down on the Gulf Coast states and threatening Tampa with massive rainstorms, the Republicans decided to convene the convention and then immediately close it for the day.  Who do they think they are Congress?  Actually this was a good decision.  No one wants to watch a coronation while their home is inundated with water.  CNN filled the time by asking convention attendees from New Orlean if they planned to go home.  I wondered why on earth would these people go home if a tropical storm/hurricane was headed that way?  CNN was clearly bored.  I hope they’re able to do something tomorrow or this will be another in a long line of blog ideas that seemed like good ideas before I started writing.

I can’t shake the feeling Mother Nature’s grown tired of the abuse, disgusting rape comments and being drilled for oil and decided to strike back at Republicans to teach them a lesson.  We’ll see how it goes.

August 28th — Day 2
Today the Republicans kicked off the angry portion of the convention.  A person even got kicked out for tossing peanuts at a black CNN camera woman and saying, “This is how we feed animals.”  Something tells this is going to get messy.  They spit usual drivel about the awfulness of all things Obama.  The Sen. Kelly Ayotte (R-NH) was particularly awful as was the weirdly cheerful Gov. Nikki Haley of South Carolina.  How does Newton Leroy say the things he says with a straight face?  His defiant stance that Obama is a socialist would be funny if it wasn’t so sad.

I missed the roll call but apparently to the shock and amazement of all in attendance Mitt Romney was nominated for the Republican presidential nomination.  Who knew? Not Republicans because they barely mentioned Mitt in the evening’s speeches.

It must have pained The Ricker to act like he thinks Mitt is a good choice for the Republican nomination.  His speech was more pro-Santourm than I expected.  And I expected Santorum to hijack the convention to make one last plea for his candidacy.  Mitt can’t be happy with that tepid endorsement and egocentric/campaign speech.  The Ricker rolled out the usual Republican myths, lies and half-truths he spewed during the nomination process i.e. lower taxes saves marriages.  He saluted pro-life forces, then whispered, “Vote Romney-Ryan” and was gone.

Every year there’s a black republican that is supposed to signal the big changes in the Republican party.  This year’s model is disgruntled former democrat Artur Davis.  I can’t take him seriously.  He has turned his back on his principles because he lost an election.  It’s funny to hear him say the healthcare bill didn’t include any Republican ideas.  Maybe he doesn’t know the individual mandate was originally a Republican idea.

Next up is Ann Romney to convince us Mitt is a regular guy and to talk to us about love.  Apparently, the newlywed Romney’s lived in a basement apartment and struggled to make it. Um, Ann, your father-in-law was wealthy as hell so the Romney poverty story rings a little hollow. She added some candid stories and strange giggles to round out the Mitt story. What a rambling mess.  Who wrote this speech?  What’s the point of the spouse speech anyway?  She’s not saying anything that any wife wouldn’t say.  Was her point was something like vote for Mitt because he’s going to bring the country home safe from the dance like he brought her home from that dance years ago?

Every review I read of Gov. Chris Christie’s speech has described it as strong and forceful.  I thought it was a bitter and angry affair.  As raised his voice to a screaming pitch I was concerned he was going to bull his way through the podium and start screaming directly into the cameras.  His speech also demonstrated how detached from reality Republicans have become.  It seems eight years of George W. Bush’s malfeasance didn’t occur.  According to Christie, everything was sweet until Obama took over.  If Republicans are the only ones willing to tell us the hard truth this county is worse off than I thought because they’re still peddling that trickle down economics lie.  Christie, like The Ricker, barely mentioned Mitt.  It’s like they want us to forget he’s the nominee.

CNN brought the usual battalion of reports to cover the convention.  They had reporters on the floor, one standing in a box of some sort, 40 to 50 pundits in a luxury box and two more who appeared to be sitting on stage.  And this is after sending reporters to New Orleans to cover the hurricane.  Other than the beef between Artur “I’ve Changed” Davis and Roland “Ascot” Martin, the CNN personalities were pretty bland

Speaking of the Hurricane Isaac, it’s hard to concentrate on the convention when you’re worried that Anderson Cooper is going to get washed out into the Gulf of Mexico.  I don’t understand  the news value of CNN reporters braving this sort of weather while imploring New Orleans residents to leave.  Uptown Mosaic Magazine would never send An Uncommon Mind on that type of assignment.  Stay strong Gulf Coast we’re praying for you.

We’ll be back with more Dispatches from the Republican Convention on Friday.

Tagged Mitt Romney, Republicans, RNC2012