I knew I was in trouble when I heard a squeaky voice yell out from the bathroom, “Who left the toilet seat up? I almost fell in!” Since I was the only man in the house I knew blame was going to fall squarely on my shoulders. My then two year old daughter bounced out the bathroom, gave me a dirty look and went about her business. The Wife, then pregnant with our second daughter, looked at me and shook her head. It then became clear to me how difficult being the only man in a house full of women was going to be.
My experience on Team Estrogen is totally new to me. I have two brothers and no sisters so including my father we outnumbered my mother and grandmother. Life was all about boy things: diving off hills, jumping curbs on our bikes, and total devotion to sports. We destroyed the basement, beat each other up and made sure grass didn’t grow in the backyard. My mother and grandmother occasionally lamented the toilet seat issues, the lack of little dresses and dolls in the house but growing up it was all about boys.
Now I find myself fiddling with headbands (I didn’t even know what they were when I first joined the Team), waiting impatiently for tumbling classes to end, putting dollhouses together, playing with dolls and drinking imaginary tea. It’s been quite a learning experience. There are so many things about little girls and women in general that I was totally ignorant about.
One year The Wife and I were shopping for a gift for our daughter and my wife excitedly lead me down the doll section of Toys R Us as she feverishly searched for a tea set. You see our daughter had to have a tea set. For the life of me I couldn’t understand why she needed this. My wife not so calmly explained every little girl needs a tea set for tea parties. When I persisted in asking questions my wife grumbled that I’ll never understand little girls. I took that opportunity to wander away and look at Transformers and Star Wars action figures. She was right though. Team Estrogen is totally different and there’s much I’ll never understand.
An aside: Until I joined Team Estrogen I never noticed that Toys R Us is basically separated by gender. The girl side of the store feels pink and is filled with dolls and kitchen sets. The blue boy side is filled with toy tools, toy cars and action figures. Boys definitely have cooler toys.
Over the last four years things have totally changed for me. Team Estrogen is now a way of life. The rough, blue edges of my life have been sanded off. Now I’m surrounded by an army of dolls of all shapes and sizes. The colors pink and purple seem to be our household flag.
What’s worse is the women of the house are starting to work together. These days my oldest daughter is always there to remind me to do things. These are the same things The Wife just reminded me I need to do just an hour earlier. My youngest daughter can’t talk yet (well at least not in any way that’s understandable to anybody but her), but she has a way of looking at me that says, “Daddy, Mommy and Nia said take out the trash!” It’s like I have three mothers. I know it’s only going to be downhill from here.
Even my control of the remote control is constantly challenged as my youngest daughter is determined to overthrow my TV reign. When she achieves this goal I’m sure I’ll find myself banished upstairs to watch soccer on the small TV while the ladies of the house watch home design shows, My Little Pony cartoons and plot to permanently nail the toilet seats down. I’m outnumbered and outgunned.
I’m perfectly happy as a member of Team Estrogen though. Daughters are great. I have no desire to have a son because little boys are crazy. I also know my Father’s Days will be much better than the horrible Father’s Days my dear dad suffered through. I figure little girls never dump their dad and I have the best time with them. Still every once in a while I sneak down into the basement, break out my Transformers toys from my childhood and have them launch a full scale war with each other. You know testosterone style.