Escapism

Sometimes I feel as if I’m drowning.

I feel detached.

I feel like I’m missing out on the moment because I’m afraid to feel:

I don’t want to smile too much because it may not last;

I don’t want to cry because tears may last too long…

I escape to another place absentmindedly.

When I realize how many miles away I’ve wandered, I get scared because I don’t know the way back.

It’s as if my eyes were closed the entire journey

But deep inside there’s a knowing that I’ll make it back to where I need to be eventually

And it’s up to me to make the decision to come back-

To tune in-

To be a part of the experience at hand-

This is what losing my father has done to me:

It has caused me to close my eyes and walk off without realizing what I’m doing.

My eyes focus and I find that I’m in a dark, crowded forest and all I can hear is the wind rustling the treetops.

Oh, how I wish my life was different somehow.

I wish I weren’t still so deeply affected.

I wish I were, once again, present and accounted for.

 

About the author:
Kelli Rai is a poet, songwriter, singer, and cupcake baker (not necessarily in that order.)

Tagged poetry