The Running of the Elephants

For political junkies like me election season is always an exciting time.  Next year’s presidential campaign promises to be one of the more interesting campaigns for Republicans.  Right now it appears they have the political upper hand which means there’s no shortage of Republicans who think he or she can be president. 

Historically, when the dust settles Republicans just nominate the next guy on deck.  They rarely surprise, there’s rarely an upset to the Republican order.  They get behind a candidate early and stick with him warts and all.  For example, did they really think Bob Dole was going to beat Bill Clinton?  Probably not but it was his turn.  Same goes for John McCain.  After the eight year debacle that was Dubya no Republican could win unless the Democrat’s nominee was caught emailing half naked pictures of himself to women he met on Craigslist.   (Who does that?  Oh this guy…) 

In this campaign cycle there is no next guy.  Republicans don’t have an obvious choice so just about every Republican with a heartbeat is jockeying for position and making “presidential” pronouncements to the faithful.  Well I have my very own list of who I’d like to run for the Republican nomination.  This list is based not on my desire for any of these people to actually be president.  No, my list is based on who will be the most entertaining candidates.  So here we go:

Sarah Palin – is clearly the funniest politician in America.  She is clueless but strident in pushing her underdeveloped worldview.  Most importantly she has developed extraordinarily thin skin so every criticism gets a harsh rebuttal from her.  I half expect her to go all Mama Grizzly on a fellow candidate or a member of the “lame stream” media one day.

Michele Bachmann – from her say anything as long as it’s opposite of the Obamas  attitude to her baffling decision to do her own Tea Party related rebuttal to the State of the Union, Bachmann takes crazy to new political levels.  The scary thing is I think she believes everything she says.  If she ran it would make the Republican orthodoxy very uncomfortable too.   She definitely gets extra points for that.

Newt Gingrich – what can be said about Newt a former speaker of the house who resigned in disgrace?  That he thinks his money machine will overcome the overwhelming negative perception of him is amazing.  When Han Solo said everybody was having delusions of grandeur in his absence I think he was referring to Newt.  Besides who wants to vote for somebody named Newt?

Haley Barbour – is he a racist?  Who knows but every time he talks about race his foot ends up in his mouth.  Haley’s on quite a run of late too.  I think his chances of running might be the weakest of all listed here but I would love to hear some more of his stories of the idyllic Civil Rights Era in Mississippi.

Ron Paul – who doesn’t want wacky Ron the Libertarian in the race?  He’d only run to point out how bad the Federal Reserve System is for the American economy.  One issue candidates are so much fun though.  Their ability to completely ignore other pressing issues so they can harangue us about whatever their issue of choice is must be admired.

Rick Santorum – I’m sure Rick would work hard to restore family values and to make the world safe for homophobes, bigots and those anti-abortion protesters who think it’s right to kill doctors.  On second thought Rick isn’t funny at all.  He’s just scary.  Maybe he should sit this one (and the next one and the one after that) out.

All an all this is a fun bunch of Republicans given to hubris and general nuttiness.  After a punishing recession I think the country deserves a little presidential electoral comedy.  There are other potential candidates who might actually stand a chance of winning.  But if you had choice of listening to Sarah Palin try to make a competent case for well, anything or listening to Mitt Romney who would you chose?